Ria Cortesio: Response

I wanted to respond to this feature story because it was the most interesting, in my opinion. I think I can always relate to a story about a woman in a non-traditional sports setting, and looking closely at a piece of writing is much more interesting for me if I enjoyed the narrative. I also thought that Roger make a great analysis in his post and I wanted to build on some of the things that he brought up.

First, I thought the lede was a fairly interesting anecdote, but it definitely could have had some more "umphf" to it. What it did do, though, was give a good introduction to character and theme. I always appreciate stories getting to the meat more quickly.

I also think the nut was interesting enough. It adds substance to the story to flash forward to Ria's possible future as a major-league umpire. However, it seems like somewhat of a stretch to me at the same time. I wonder, would there be a story there if the writer didn't reach so far for a newsworthy theme? Nonetheless, as I said in the first paragraph, the subject matter is interesting to me, and I was again glad to see the writer get to the point so quickly.

The middle moves well, and the only major flaws in structure I could point out were the *maybe* important details that seemed to be out of place (as Roger commented on his blog). For example, the story explaining her wry sense of humor doesn't really seem to fit where it is inserted. It is an interesting and telling anecdote, but the placement could have been more carefully scrutinized. I was also pleased throughout the piece with the many sources interviewed on the subject. The quotes were decently placed and worked well in the narrative. It might have been interesting, though, to explore the other side of the story: people that think that only men should be out on the field. I also liked how the specifics of how one becomes an umpire were incorporated into the piece. For me, fact is a good edition to pieces like this, and kept my attention steady just before the turn.

The kicker, like the lede, is interesting enough, but could have been spiced up as well. It ends on another theme that wasn't touched on during the piece: that of women role models for young girls, especially in sports and positions where women aren't that prominent or noticed. I don't think it fits in with the tone and theme of the piece to bring something like that in right at the end, so the kicker should have ended on a different note.

Overall, the piece worked fairly well for me. The short paragraphs, brief anecdotes, and well-placed quotes kept the narrative moving along smoothly. The "parts" of the narrative were clearly laid out in an organized structure that was easy to follow. For me, the piece wasn't as "big" or "messy" as I imagined a "big, messy story" would be. This seemed more like a profile at times. It would be interesting to hear other peoples' thoughts on the issue; specifically, what could have been done to make the piece more "big" and "messy"?